Well, there is something you may not know about me; that I fight giants on the daily and they come big and tall and scary, and at times there are too many, but I walk and I smile confidently.
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Four years suicidal and many years before depressed;
now five years and a few months healed and healing,
still my heart is put to the test.
I woke and could not lift my head,
I woke and could not lift my head,
at times I slouch and slump,
but God my King is ever holding me,
His Spirit lifts me up.
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My giant's a right scary brute, he's been hounding me since I was twelve years old and, the way he tells it, he's my closest friend.
My giant's a right scary brute, he's been hounding me since I was twelve years old and, the way he tells it, he's my closest friend.
He sells me sweet and burning lies, gives a moment's pleasure but in myself I then despise. He comes when I am lonely, when I am sick and when I cry. He comes when others hurt me and when stress all but eats me alive. The giant says that he will comfort me, he calls himself my friend. The giant distracts me for a moment's breath and then tears my heart to shreds.
This giant's a right scary brute, he's been hounding me since I was young.
He calls me homosexual and taunts me in my bed when I am tired and want nothing more than to pray and lay my head. He says, "You are not man enough to live as others can." He calls, "You are not strong enough to fight as others have!" He sneers, "You are not big enough to kiss the maiden's hand." He says no girl would love a man who's head is lost in songs and clouds. He says no friends will laugh or talk with him who admires the dress that Bonnie had instead of discussing what lies under silken gowns. "Men fight and throw and run," he says, "They are crass and not overkind! They hunt the deer and un-dress the doe; they talk shop and yell for sport or say not a word until the day they're swallowed dead! No talk of feelings or of pains for truly manly men."
This giant's a right scary brute; he started whispering when I was still much too young to understand and springs upon me with all his hurt when I think myself a sorry, fragile, broken man.
I thought perhaps when I had grown I'd find him not so big and see his shadow not so long; instead I've found he's with me grown the more and his grip is more the strong.
But God is with me and He is stronger still, He pries the giants from my heart and with love has filled the empty shell.
These giants, they are liars! They hold no love for you or I.
Mine says there can be no love but that of lust between a man and any such as I. He says there is no love for me save those demanding my spirit die.
No!
Nehemiah, that great builder of the wall, returned the priestly singers to the temple halls; and David, the warrior king, is famous for his psalms! God, my Father God, decks the noonday sea with the glittering of sunny jewels; with loving hands He dressed the flowers and lay them in the meadow by His wisdom, untouched by earthly tools. I was not made for sword or shield, nor flowing blood's dark red; born for pen and many colored inks to callous and stain these strong and mighty hands! I do not shout, I sing my songs! And more the for it I am heard. Without discretion I observe the world and heed my Father's words.
Still, sometimes the giant catches up, grabs hold and demands I return again; usually, when I've chosen to wander off from God and His company, when I look to be alone and am relying on my own strength. These giants know the strength of my God. I have a choice and sometimes I look back, and for the pain of it all I cry; but God never really leaves us alone. He hears my call and pulls me back and holds me close. Confused, tired, and afraid I may kick and scream but He gently calls my name and wipes the pillars of salt from my eyes. He lifts me and, not only does He rescue me, He gives me strength and courage of heart to help me stand; He gives the honor that we'd together knock the giant flat.
Someday, with gentle smile and
great respect, I'll kiss the maiden's hand; and not before our wedding
vows will we together lay in bed. She'll be my wife, I'll be her man,
and by the strength of God we'll stand.
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It's a
strange and funny thing to see the world change;
more the frightening the landscape of one's own dogged and calloused soul.
more the frightening the landscape of one's own dogged and calloused soul.
It hurts to break
the old bonds but freedom holds me tightly still.
The Truth stings but
heals old scars and every festering wound.
God mends the broken pot,
He gives glory and honor to those who were bound by shame.
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So now you know something new about me, just a few of the giants I fight on the daily. They come big and tall and scary, and at times there are too many, but for my confidence in the freedom of Christ I choose to walk and smile confidently.
If only everyone knew that the bigger they are the harder they fall.
If He's with me I can take them all and so I'll have no fear fighting life by His side.
If only everyone knew how giants fall. . .
Well, measuring my stature and my bravery I may not be intimidating, but I stand as tall as I am ready for the giants set against me and. . . I wonder who should be smiling! :)
When I am weak
He is strong
Diametrically
I am opposed
I lose everything
To gain it all
And on the tree
Where love was slain
The rightful king
He did reclaim
From giants grip
My soul was saved
Now at His feet broken I lay
See, the bigger they are the harder they fall.
If it's Him and us we can take them all
and we'll have no fear fighting life by his side
Oh! If only everyone knew how giants fall and how the shaking of their thrashing and their crashing wakes the sleepers' hearts to hear the Father's call.
